Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

It’s been nine years. Nine long years thaththi. Nine years since you departed. There isn’t a single day that I didn’t wish you were here. It would have been fun thathithi. And you would have been real proud too. Both of me and Malli and our wives and little ones too.

Everything you taught us comes handy. The lessons you explicitly taught as well the lessons that you taught us by example. Some lessons which we didn’t get then but which we now get when we look back I retrospect.

Somehow I get the feeling that you have left us. That you are still looking down upon us. In a strange way that you are still keeping us on course. Not letting us veer away.

Thank you thaththi for all that you have done. For making us what we are today. For giving us the foundation through education, to lead our lives. To feed our families with respect.

You will always be in our hearts thaththi.

Family time

I work pretty long hours during the week. Even though I strive to do a split schedule of working the morning session and taking the afternoon off to spend with the kids, most of the time it doesn’t work out as expected. I end up running an errand or getting back to work after lunch. And with my scheduled meetings in the night I end up staying very late and the kids go to sleep without me around.

And due to our hectic schedules on weekdays we have planned the classes for the kids for Saturdays. So Saturday is the fun lessons day for my kids. They do singing, piano and ballet. Ad it’s pretty much a full day program. And Sundays are the relaxing day for them. They pretty much have the whole day to themselves and to complete their school homework.

I strive to spend the Saturday with the kids. So no matter how late I stay up on Fridays I am up on Saturday morning to take them to classes. And I enjoy this me and the kids time very much. Today I tagged my son along for a two hour lesson for my daughter. These two hours I usually spend at a car wash getting my car washed, vacuumed and waxed.

So today, my son spent time with me at the car wash watching the car being cleaned. But his interest in cars being washed waned pretty fast. And I had got ready for such eventualities. He loves playing kiddies games on the iPad. Usually, it’s tussle to get his hands on the iPad when his sister is around. Today he enjoyed uninterrupted play time.

Ad I need to work on my patience with the kids. I have a tendency of getting pretty impatient with them when they do not listen to my instructions. I guess they are just being kids and I’m forgetting the fact. In order to make the most out of my time with them, this is one area that I need to improve. I wasn’t a very patient person at any count even previously. But I guess that SOS,etchings need to be improved when you become a father.

I am scared that I will miss out in their growth years and suddenly find them to be all grown up and distant from me, busy with their own lives. I want to be a part of their lives, not just by virtue of being their father but also as the person that teaches them about life, their friend and mentor. I had a pretty good relationship with my own father. I don’t recall doing too many things with him, he was more of an academic person. But he was always there whenever I needed him and he gave me the space that I needed as well. If I can emulate him in those aspects I would be successful as a father.

I also have a DIY streak in me so I try to get my kids involved when I do things around the house. My son was pretty interested my computer upgrade and networking projects around the house. He is also showing a keenness in cycling which I hope will prevail, so he and I can cycle together.

I even bought a book titled “Now that you are a father” to find inspiration in what I can do with the kids. I want to find interesting things to do with them which will be interesting to both me and them, apart from getting them to do homework. Hopefully I will get some inspiration from that book and by googling around.

It’s my anniversary

Happy Anniversary Wifee!

I can’t imagine the last 6 years. Its been a bliss. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but hey, we’ve stuck through things together and I don’t think we’ve done that bad!

I have a lot to thank you for, besides the unconditional love you shower upon me. To start off with, thanks for putting up with me. Thanks for putting up with my weird work schedules and un-godly hours. Can’t thank you enough for understanding my urges to do somethings differently.

Thanks for giving me the courage and the strength when I needed it most. I wouldn’t have started a business of my own by stepping out of a full time job, if it wasn’t for your courage. Thanks for standing by me and letting me choose freely. Pretty soon we will be reaping the fruits of all that labour.

Above all, thank you for the two wonderful kids you’ve given me. I know I’m not doing much for the kids, though I am physically there at home most of the time, because most of that most of the time is spent in front of my computer. And trust me live, you’re doing a wonderful job!

Here’s the the last 6 years and for the rest of our lives!

Wow! Another year has gone by. Whatever happened to time? Doesn’t it always make us wonder.

But for me, I felt the year going by. The year 2009 had been a year of major changes. My life has taken a new path!

The year started a bit rocky for me. I was not seeing eye-to-eye with the owners of the company that I was working for. So the year started with me contemplating my future. It was clear that I was not going to have any future working there.

The good thing that came out of it was instead of looking for another job, me going into business for myself. I turned into a freelancer. While I was transitioning from being a monthly paid normal office worker to a uncertain and new territory of freelancing, my wife was expecting our son.

While all of this was going on, our son came into this world. That made us forget all our woes and enjoy his arrival. I think he truly brought in a new dimension to out lives. I stepped into the unchartered waters without much excitement or nervousness, initially. And I have to thank wifee for standing by me through all of that. She was brave to accept that I might have to go for sometime without a proper income or any income at all.

For me, things didn’t turn out that bad. First of all, a friend of mine came into my rescue by giving me a project. That kept me busy initially. And during the first month itself, I landed a gig with a LA web development company. And I am happy to say, 8 months and few projects later, I am still working for them. And we are exploring the possibilities of taking business to the next level.

Freelancing turned out to be better than I bargained for. Of course the initial couple of months, though I had an income, it wasn’t what I used to get in the job. That was mainly due to my erratic schedules and getting used to being my own boss slippages. But once I came to terms with my new life and the fact that no ones going to look over my shoulder to make me work, but it is the paycheck at the end of the month that will suffer, if I don’t out in solid work, I turned out pretty well.

Actually from about the third month of being a freelancer, I caught up with my salary and from the month after started to exceed it. That was the best thing and also took away my worries of financial stability. I have been earning much more than what I had earned in any job, for the past four months as a freelancer. The beauty of this is, if you have the capacity freelancing gives you the option to earn more. But if I was in a job, I would have had to wait for the annual reviews and all the other bullshit to get a raise. Even then, with the current economic condition,that was a far cry. With my last boss, it was definitely a non-starter.

And the other major thing is that we are going to be moving houses. We are moving to our own place and we are currently in the process of doing it up to our tastes and needs. And that gives me an opportunity to setup my ideal working environment. I have already designed the furniture and setup. Now it is just a matter of getting them done.

All in all, 2009 has been a good year. An year of changes, but looking back, it is an year that I am happy about. It has been an year of achievements. Looking forward to the house move and starting 2010 in a new house with a new lease of life!

This is a very quick note to record the birth of our baby boy on the 15th of March. He was born early in the morning and by the looks of it seems like he is a pretty active kid.

Both Lushi and the kid are doing great. Lushi has not had a full nights sleep since he was born as he keeps waking up throughout the night and needs to be fed.

Dinara, our elder daughter has instantly taken up the ‘malli’ under her wings. She talks to malli all the time standing beside his cot. Whenever someone comes to see him it is her who takes them into the crib wanting to show malli. I think she is a little bit upset that malli doesn’t come to play with her and wants malli to grow up fast!

With double the responsibilities, honestly I haven’t discharged them as well as I would have liked. The changes on my professional life are keeping me pretty busy and I seem to be preoccupied.

But the changes are going to be good in a way that at least for a month I get to work from home starting April and that gives our little family a chance to be together most of the time.

With the arrival of this baby I had a pretty strange feeling of completeness. It is not as if I had been missing something and now that it was fulfilled. I was never feeling as if I was missing something. But this is completely new feeling that came in, not to fill a gap or a void, but a new one all together.

I think the work is just beginning. Now the task on us is to nurture them to become good citizens in this world, to educate them and to keep them safe!

It’s been a while

It’s been a while since I posted last on this blog. Ever since I returned from my last overseas assignment things have been a bit of a mad rush. There were so many things that I had to play catch up on, I spent a few weeks just getting my life back in order. I think my work life still has not returned to normalcy.

Well, out of the significant events that happened since then the most significant has to be Dinara’s first birthday. We couldn’t just let the day pass by, though she did not understand a thing that was going on around her. We had a alms giving to a children’s home which had some 40 odd girls. We did not make a scene out of the fact that it was due to a birthday celebration because we thought that would make those kids sad!

Then we had a small party at our place. We knew that some people were going to turn up anyway, so we invited a few more. Then it turned out to be a bigger crowd than we expected! You know when you invite some, there are still some others that you have to invite. If you don’t you end up hurting their feelings and probably them holding a grudge against you for the rest of their lives!

Well, Dinara didn’t know what to make out of the fuss that everybody was making of her. She was feeling very sleepy and fell asleep just as the party was kicking off. We had to wake her up for the birthday cake. And as soon as the cake was cut, she went back to sleep and slept throughout the whole duration of the party! It was good in a way as she was kind of left alone because of the fact that she was asleep. Also, it gave us a bit of a breather to socialize with the guests.

I think Lushi was more exited about the party than anybody else. If it wasn’t for her, it wouldn’t have been much of a party. If it was any success, the credit should go to Lushi, the two amma’s and thaththa. Also for Sujee and everybody else who helped.

As for the rest of the things, well work is kind of getting hectic. My plans have gone a haywire a bit and am trying to get things on track.

Lushi is a bit stressed out as well. She is buried with work and whole lot of changes that are taking place at her workplace. Hey darling, take things lightly! And remember I am there for you, always!

To day is my mothers 71st birthday! And I am not there in Sri Lanka to share this wonderful day with her. So I wanted to make a very short note to wish her a very happy birthday and to with her health and happiness. I will not wish her wealth as she is not interested in acquiring wealth anymore. She is seeking a more spiritual wealth these days. And she is well on her way there.

I just wanted to thank her on this day for the couragous woman she has been. For her efforts to bring up me and my brother as responsible citizens. And for being a wonderful mother-in-law to Lushi and Shiyara. When I hear the problems between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, I realize how lucky I am! Mine get along very well and I am sure they will in the future too!

I am especially proud of you for the way you carried yourself after Thaththa’s demise. You were a tower of strength to me and malli to pick up our lives and move on! Ammi, I am sure Thaththi, from where ever he is, is very proud of you too!

And finally, I want to tell you again that we love you. Your grand-children adore you! And you will be with us for many years to come! You have to!

Happy Birthday Amma!

Little Dinara is sick!

Our baby girl has caught a cold. It is sad to see her with a running nose and trying to breath through her mouth! It’s the first time she’s caught and cold and she seems a bit confused with what’s happened to her. And she is feeling very irritated! Can’t blame her, I get irritated when I catch a cold, and at her age and it being her first illness as such she must be pretty wild!

Get well soon sweetie!

They say to really appreciate the value of the things you take for granted, you should be deprived of them. Well it is true to really appreciate the value of family. But in my case, I am going to be deprived of their company only for a short period of time. But I have come appreciate the value of their company, just after being away from them for two days.

Being here in Mauritius, after the end of the working day, all by your self, made me realize, how much I had taken my family for granted. I mean, I knew they were there and hence I was indifferent to their company. But now, at the end of the day, I have to come back to an empty hotel room. Lush is not here to welcome me home. Dinara is not here for me to play with and cuddle. I can’t drop into my mothers place after work to say hi to her. I mean, those were the things that I took for granted when I was back home. But being here now, without them around, it is making me feel all lonely. All I have for solace is just a phone call.

I realize that I may have not shown them how much they mean to me. How much they were a part of my life. How much that their presence filled up my life.

There is a lesson for me in all this. I need to start showing them, when I am around them, what they mean to me. It is a good thing that I can go back to them, and get a chance to make sure that I don’t let the moments just pass me by. I need to take the time appreciate them and make them feel the specialness that I feel for them in my heart.

It is Lushi’s Birthday! I wont tell everyone how old you are, but I am pretty sure it is quite a different birthday for you this year. It’s your first birthday as a mother! Hey I am not trying to make you feel old!

Just wanted to wish you the best birthday ever. And in wishing you, our little daughter Dinara is also joining me! She want’s to say “Happy Birthday Ammi!” Well she can’t say it in words yet, but that’s what she is saying with her aaaaahhh’s and eeeeehhhhh’s!

I hope you’s enjoy the little party we are throwing for you. And darling, just remember, like good wine, you get better with age!

I love you darling and happy birthday!

Came back to work after a week long break! Not the best day to be back. The mood was pretty lazy and I found myself missing the quality family time I had over the week end.

The avurudu weekend was fantastic. I got to spend some quality time with Lush and Kesh. Kesh is pretty active now. She can recognize people and things. But she is pretty proud too. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that she recognizes you.

I think Lush liked the fact that I had some time to spend with her. Since I had been working pretty late and due to the fact that we use separate cars to travel to work, our together time has decreased significantly. When we were travelling together, we used the travel time to catch up on the days events and to discuss things in private. We no longer get to do that, except in rare occasions.

Also, I used the break to recharge my batteries and to do a bit of reading. I had bought a pile of books, but haven’t had the time to read them. I couldn’t read all of them, but started on the reading.

Now that I am back at work, with my batteries charged, I have quite a bit of work that I need to accomplish. So, let me roll up my sleeves and get to work 😉

It’s been three years! Three years since you suddenly departed. Without a warning, without any signs, you suddenly left. I was out of the house at that time. By the time I came to you, you had already gone. Not even a good bye! And I found myself, hugging your lifeless body and crying, unable to believe that you are not going to wake up.

I had to stop crying, I was worried about ammi. I was worried about malli. I was the eldest, I had to be responsible. I was old enough to take up the responsibility. But I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready because I never envisioned a life without you. I guess I took you for granted. But then as Buddha preached, life never can be taken for granted.

You were more than a father to me. You were my best friend. You understood me perfectly. When I was restless, you gave me the space to grow. When I needed protection, you were a tower of strength, always by my side. You allowed me to live my own life. Never tried to force your dreams or expectations on me. When I did things that you knew were going to fail, you never told me not to. You allowed me to find out for myself. Always there, in case I fell. But when I fell flat on my face, you never said “I told you so”. Instead you asked me, “What do you want to do next?”

Last year was a tremendous year in my life thaththi. I too became a father. I now have a little daughter. She is such an adorable kid, I wish you were here thaththi, to see her! She is just five months old, but I sometimes tell her about you. I tell her how much you would have loved her, if you were around. I regret her never getting to know you. She missed the opportunity to know her other seeya. But I will make sure that she will know about you. And I will try to become the father, that you were to me.

Lushi also misses you thaththi. Though doesn’t know you that well, though she has met you only twice, she misses you too. She has instantly liked you the first day she saw you. She had thought you were a fun father-in-law to have. You with your jokes and mild manners, you had taken your place with her. She regrets not knowing you better. But I keep telling her about you, about all those little things that you did for us.

Amma has still not got over your departure. She took a long time to get back to her self. Well not really her old self. I guess she can never get back to her old self, because you were such a big part of her for such a long time.

I know malli misses you too. But we have never really spoken about it. You know malli is so much like you. He doesn’t want to show his pain to anyone. He keeps it all inside. But I know he misses you terribly. You were his world!

It was you who showed taught us to accept life gracefully and to make the most of it. You taught us the values of living by your principles. You taught us to do our best and to happily accept the results. Your lessons are still in our hearts. Your lessons allow us to live consciously and make the right decisions in these testing times. Not matter how long it has been I still miss having you around thaththi. I used to ask you before every decision I had to make. You never made the decisions for me, instead you showed me all the options. Now, I have to seek the options on my own. I miss your far sightedness.

Above all, I miss your love. I miss your friendship. And I miss you!

We will be having an alms giving in your memory on the 7th (tomorrow). I wish you a short journey through sansara and wish you the supreme bliss of nibbana. But until such time, I want you as my father in each reincarnation! So long thaththi, till we meet again!

Our sweet little angel is 5 months old today! Looking back, the last five months has been the most memorable time of my life. I am not sure which is the most memorable moment of my life, whether it was my wedding day or whether it was the day Dinara was born.

Considering the stressful weeks we spent prior to Dinara’s birth and the week or so soon after her birth, I think we have come to take her for granted. She commands the most amount of attention in our house right now. Starting from Lush, to her parents to my mother, everybody’s first concern is her. The rest of us come second. When she makes a noise there are so many people to check on her as to why she is making a noise.

She is also not one to shy away from attention. I think she likes it. One thing she doesn’t like is to be left alone. As long as someone is around, she will try to keep herself busy. But she gets bored very easily. She wants constant activities to happen around her. Maybe she has got accustomed to the attentions that everyone showers on her! If you talk to her, she loves to talk back. Only if we could make sense of all the boo’s and oough’s that she talks.

I just notices that i have not made a posting since 1st of December. Well you can’t really blame me as this was one of the most hectic months of my life.

First, the baby kept me busy. She immediately had two impacts on my life. First, she made me impatient to run back home. I didn’t want to miss her growing up. And I was trying to compete for her attention with my wife, as she was practically spending the whole day with her. I was getting jealous!

Then I was down with Chikungunya. It was one heck of a sickness. I was feeling as if a train had run me down! Couldn’t eat, couldn’t do anything else except maybe sleep. And I was down mentally as well. I was messing with my mind too.

So with all these going on, I had a pile of work at work to finish. I still have the pile. Still trying to device a way to either do it, or run from it 🙂

Anyway, we have come to the end of one of the most eventful years of my life. A lot happened this year. Most of it good! (Material for another post around the 31st, hopefully)